I’m what you’d call the opposite of a Barbie fan. As a kid, I wrote stories about G.I. Joes brutally blowing Barbies up. I cut off their hair, drew on them, threw them into trees and pretty much destroyed them in every way I could think of.

That said, there were some cool things about the blonde brat that I did like. Her pets, for example, were pretty cute. I also loved her accessories—the tinier, the better. Then, of course, there are the new fairytale lines that have recently come out, which are really cute despite the brand (that Twelve Dancing Princesses cat is pretty adorable, I have to admit).

Love her or hate her, after 50 years I think it’s safe to say that Barbie is going to stick around for a while. If you must buy a Barbie for your child this Christmas (must you? Really…MUST you??), here are some of the top-selling Barbies and Barbie – stuff of the year.

Serafina, Barbie’s loyal talking plush cat: This companion to the Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper flick (Barbie movies…oy) is pretty darn cute to look at, you must admit. She’s a soft, life size version of a Lisa Frank sticker, for crying out loud—what kid wouldn’t want her? But with a price tag of $399.95, any parent would be crazy to buy her.

Barbie “My Scene” Bling Bling Doll: Stop and re-read that name. Do you really need to get your daughter (or son, for that matter; plenty of boys want Barbies too) something called “Bling Bling”? Not only does it sound quite prostitutional (yeah, made that word up), make women look even more like gold diggers and completely do nothing for kids educationally, self-esteem wise, or really anything positive at all; it’s also just plain stupid. Is her fur shawl teaching that it’s okay to skin animals? (Next up: Taxidermy Barbie!) Oh, and it also contains a “Ka-Ching Bling Ring” for the lucky girl or boy who gets the doll. Now your little one can be pimpalicious, too. Really, you could do better with your $39.99.

The Barbie Diaries Secret Message Charm Purse: This looks pretty lame to me, but I guess it’s not so bad. The charms can record your own secret messages, and while they’re clunky and ridiculous looking, the purse itself isn’t hideous enough to burn your eyes. Girls love to share secrets and pass notes, so I suppose this little gift could provide a bit of entertainment. I think instead of forking over the $19.99 for it, however, I’d rather pass notes or make one of those fortune telling things we used to fold up.

I remember one Christmas I received this really creepy Barbie (that I didn’t ask for; I had asked for Ninja Turtles, dude) with eyes that weren’t painted right. I ended up whiting them out, which, oddly enough, made her easier to look at. What crazy—or cute—Barbie item does your child want this year? Are you going to get it—and if so, do you think it’s worth it, or that it’s a worthless splurge?